Possible loss of computer data May 5’06
The thing about this kind of loss is that it doesn’t matter really in the fullness of life. It’s just a nuisance and you still have your faculties, your health, your ability to think and exercise, and your future.
One of the ways over this minor disappointment is to say how wonderful to experience going back to a time when I had none of this stuff, none of this kind of data to protect and covet. And actually a lot of it is never looked at again, hardly ever used.
The first two items in my computer listing, and really the only ones that mattered were my writings and my photos.
Then you think how wonderful it’ll be to start creating all the stuff again. It is to be hoped with a sophisticated back-up system so you don’t have to apply all the sweet-lemon thinking.
Computer Back June 17’06
Now I’ve connected my computer again sort of for the first time in five days. That’s after a visit to “expert” in the nearby town of Pézenas; calls to experts on a special Wanadoo number, and acquiring a new “Live Box” (for connecting) in the city of Béziers.
Now I see more clearly the form of the addiction – that is exactly what it is – an addiction to the fun of being connected to all kinds of stuff, my personal communicating, another part of my existence, keeping an eye on things such as correspondence, investments, my writings, memories and bookings. Funny, but it’s not so much to do with getting information, I tend not to rely on the Internet for that.
I feel happier again and relaxed, nothing hanging over me. It’s a terrible feeling without having the communication tool available. It’s very much less than a full feeling. I do wonder though how to reduce the reliance on it, and not through any enforcement of being unable to use my computer.
The Email / Internet thing Aug. 28’07
I’ve just had a strong feeling about emailing and internetting, occasioned by not being able to have it in Pouzolles this time, and finding
that I’m not really missing it that much. Today when I went to Pézenas
to the “café” there for the second time, I sent a number of emails, via
Webmail because regular email doesn’t send for some reason.
Anyway, for 45 minutes there – longer the first time – I found I was a trifle taken over, not upset at all. I was rather too focussed, too out of just feeling ordinary or able to notice my surroundings and how I relate to them. For sure here I’m possibly embroidering this a little to make a point but the thought is that it’s a powerful pressure to be able to communicate with friends and be able to access information on the Internet. One feels linked. Doing without it takes a little practice or arranging of one’s feelings and thoughts. Once “normal” life returns, life as it was, it’s OK. One doesn’t have to look every day to see if someone has sent you something; one doesn’t have to check the share market; no need to see to online bill paying and all that extra stuff. The thing is I do more writing on Appleworks and enjoy not communicating with life out there all the time. It’s actually quite nice just to be with oneself. I suppose that the alluring thing about emailing is it takes you out of yourself, out of your surroundings, away from the humdrum. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with that, but I wonder if people will ever be able just to be ordinary and smell
nature or see the stars and appreciate such to be sufficient to know that you’re alive.
Personal Connections Sept. 7, ’07
I’m doing well without personal connection to the outside world
and knowledge network. I go two or three times a week to the Internet Café in Pézenas. It’s OK but I don’t care for the driving.
It’s a funny thing about “being connected” at home – you feel taken out of
your humdrum world. I feel thrown back on my own resources whatever they may be, not having access to the Net. I suppose if you rely on it a lot, then it’s like a friend, a means of taking you out of yourself. It’s easier than having to deal with your own thoughts, having to entertain yourself,
just having to be. I must say it would be nice to have it at times, but I’m
doing OK. I do other things such as my own writing, more recording,
more TV watching for French learning. It’s also good to write emails
in preparation for sending them next day.