My Daft Jokes (Yeh, made them up! Honest! A merciful sample here!)
If you don’t take an interest in ancient tales, do you think you’ll myth out?
Completed cheese? Aye, fetta compli.
Someone’s inevitable end happened. Yeh, it was a fate accompli!
If Burns had been Jewish, would he be “Rabbi Burns” ?
Hear that my beautiful sheepdog turned into a vegetable? Yeh, he’s a broccoli ! (Get it? Get it? Braw collie!)
I never use euphemisms and think anyone who does so is a front bottom.
Hear about the Slovak chess player? He played against a Czech mate!
What does the Ozzie chess player say? Check mate, mate!
What did the disgruntled desert dweller say? “I’m a wee bit upset but I’m nomad.”
If some tomato sauce went racing past you, would you try to ketchup?
What did the satisfied Scotsman say? Thistle doo! (A doo is a Scottish wood pigeon!)
Australian library? Outbook of course!
What does the Scottish psychiatrist say when he’s surprised? Yeh, that’ll be Jungs!
How say excuse me in Japanese to an Irish person? Shitsure Seamus !
What do you call a fairy who doesn’t care for others? Sylph-centred.
If we had failed to send one of our cats, say Monty to a fancy private school, would we have said, “Sorry, Monty”? Nah, we’d have said, “Montesori”.
How about the angry lawyer? He did a cross examination.
Hear about the daft gravedigger? He’d lost the plot.
I phoned my doctor to check on my appointment with Doc Wong. Reception thought it was for one of their regular team, Brett Wong, and told me, “He’s away for two weeks!” I said I got an email weeks ago confirming my appointment with Doc Wong. She said, “Oh, wait a moment!” After a bit of a search she found my appointment was with Brendon Wong, the visiting specialist for one day a week from the city down south. So two Wongs made it a’right!
Hear about the man on plane with dead creatures in his luggage? It was a carrion bag.
Recently I told someone my name: “Graham with an ‘h’ “. The person said, “Oh, that’s an interesting surname.” So I said, “Yes, I’m Polish!” Jeez! Eh?